Vermillion
by songbyrdk
Summary: A side of Syaoran we don't often see. Songfic to Vermillion Pt. 2.


**DISCLAIMER & AUTHOR'S NOTE: The characters of _Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle_ belong to CLAMP, and not me. The song "Vermillion Pt. 2", from the album _Vol. 3: (The Subliminal Verses)_ belongs to Slipknot, and not me. I'm not sure where the idea for this song fic came; I was washing dishes at work when I started writing it in my head. Hope you like it.  
****(K)**

**Vermillion**

"PUU!"

With an enormous gust of wind, four figures appeared, swirling into form in a beam of bright light. Though three of them remained standing, the other, a girl of about seventeen, fell to her knees. The rest of them dropped down to help her up. Sakura blushed as she rose awkwardly to her feet.

"Thank you, but really, I'm all right. I should be used to this by now." She laughed, an embarrassed, self-mocking laugh.

"You're doing just fine, Sakura-chan." Fai dusted off the sleeve of his white cloak. Despite the many styles of clothing the group had donned in their travels, he still preferred to wear white, just as Kurogane remained partial to black.

"Just fine, just fine!" Mokona sang happily, twirling around in a circle and bouncing atop Kurogane's head. He grunted, but said nothing.

Syaoran stood slowly, looking off to the setting sun and a distant mountain scope. For awhile they were all silent.

"It sure is pretty deserted around here, isn't it?" Kurogane finally said.

Syaoran didn't avert his gaze. "Yeah."

Sakura looked to Fai, a worried frown upon her face. Fai cleared his throat. "Uh…Syaoran-kun?"

"So Mokona, can you sense one of Sakura's feathers in their world?" Syaoran spoke suddenly, facing the others.

Mokona floated down from Kurogane's head and thought hard. "…No, Mokona feels no waves in this country - no, no," he said decisively.

Syaoran sighed heavily. "So no feather in this world…"

Fai patted Mokona on the head and smiled. "It's almost dark. We might as well stay here and rest. It's peaceful."

Kurogane grunted. "And quiet. Lord knows we haven't had much quiet lately." Tough as he tried to sound, even Kurogane had lost the edge from his voice. The glow of the sunset had its effects on all of them.

"Alright. Kuro-pii and I will go try and get a fire started." Kurogane huffed at the ridiculous nickname, but Fai only winked. The two of them started off in search of firewood, feet dragging noisily through the rocky soil.

Syaoran slumped to the ground, exhaling deeply. Clutching Mokona tight, Sakura sat down beside him.

"It sure is beautiful here, isn't it, Syaoran-kun?" Her voice broke through the million other thoughts in his mind, and Syaoran turned to meet her eyes. She smiled gently, and Syaoran felt the slightest heat reach up to his cheeks.

"Yeah." He looked back towards the sun, almost completely gone from view. A pink haze of light lingered around the tips of the mountains, but a few blue-white stars could be seen in the darker part of the sky. There was a soft cool breeze coming from the south, rustling the leaves of the trees a ways behind them and carrying the sound to their ears. The wind blew strands of Sakura's hair across her face. Syaoran sighed once more.

Mokona hummed in Sakura's lap, causing her to smile again. She looked at Syaoran and he smiled weakly in return before breaking away from her gaze.

"This…must be one of your lonely days, isn't it?" Sakura whispered, staring at the ground.

"What's that, Sakura-san?"

"Oh. It's nothing." Mokona hopped to Sakura's shoulder and Sakura hugged her knees to brace against the chillof the wind. Syaoran watched her from the corner of his eye.

_She seemed dressed in all of me  
__Stretched across my shame  
__All the torment and the pain  
__Leaked through and covered me  
__I'd do anything to have her to myself  
__Just to have her for myself  
__Now I don't know what to do  
__I don't know what to do…  
__When she makes me sad_

Syaoran heard the shuffling of footsteps before the arguing voices of Fai and Kurogane. He smiled.

"It sounds like they're back. You'll want to go warm up by the fire when they get one started." He rose to his feet, reaching out a hand to help her up.

"Mokona can help build a big fire. Big, warm fire." The creature beamed cheerily, and Sakura laughed.

Hearing the pretty, tinkling sound of her laugh made his heart ache. "Then you two better go before they start without you." Syaoran stuffed his hands into his pockets and began walking towards the mountains, in the opposite direction.

"Wait! Syaoran-kun!"

He stopped and turned back to Sakura's green eyes, opened wide with concern.

"Aren't you coming?"

Syaoran smiled warmly. "In a little while. I just…need to go think for awhile."

Sakura smiled back. "Okay. I'll see you then."

"Okay, see you then," Mokona repeated, before the two of them headed towards the shouting voices of Fai and Kurogane.

Syaoran turned and closed his eyes for a moment, clearing his head. Then, he began to walk.

_She is everything to me  
__The unrequited dream  
__The song that no one sings  
__The unattainable…  
__She's a myth that I have to believe in  
__All I need to make it real, is one more reason  
__I don't know what to do  
__I don't know what to do…  
__When she makes me sad_

Safely away from the others, Syaoran kicked at a stone angrily. It was stupid; to be here, kicking a stone. He didn't want to be here. He wanted to be there, at the fire, with Sakura, helping her stay warm. Looking after her, as he always had. Stupid, to be kicking a stone, as if lashing out at a piece of dirt could do anything to resolve the doubts in his mind.

_But I won't let this build up inside of me  
__I won't let this build up inside of me  
__I won't let this build up inside of me  
__I won't let this build up inside of me…_

She had no idea. How could she? She had no memory of him. She had very little memory of anything. He shouldn't be mad at her. It was as if she had asked for any of this to happen. She had no idea how it was killing him to see her like this. To be so close and so far apart at once.

But there wasn't any other choice. What else could he have done? Let his Sakura die? No. Never. He loved her. God, he loved her so illogically, so deeply, with all of his being. He could never allow Sakura to die. No amount of pain, no matter how unbearable it was to live this way, nothing was going to change that.

So how could that explain the searing pain he felt in his chest every time she called him Syaoran-kun?

It wasn't a fair price, no matter what the Space Time Witch had said.

No; that wasn't true. Of course it was fair. He would have paid any price to save Sakura, even if the cost had been his own life. He wasn't afraid to die; he had already faced death countless times in trying to protect Sakura.

But there were times, he believed, that this fate was far worse than death.

_A catch in my throat, choke  
__Torn into pieces, I won't – no  
__I don't want to be this  
__But I won't let this build up inside of me  
__I won't let this build up inside of me  
__I won't let this build up inside of me  
__I won't let this build up inside of me…_

And what if they never found all of her memories? This was the first world they'd come to that did not have one of Sakura's feathers. What if their luck was over, and they found no more feathers? Would Sakura be stuck this way forever? Would she die? What if after all they'd done, she could still not be saved?

It was always a possibility.

He would never allow that to happen. As long as there was breath in his body, he would fight to save Sakura. He loved her.

And she loved him. Whether she knew it or not, whether she had ever known it, he was sure she loved him. She had to.

Could that really be gone? Could a witch really take away what they had, so simply, just because she said so? He didn't believe it. He knew that somehow, someday, his Sakura would love him, and everything would be as it was before.

But there were days – this was one of them – when he was afraid. He feared that the girl he once knew, that the girl he loved was gone forever, and that even when all her memories were retrieved – if all her memories could be retrieved – she would be changed. A different person entirely. The high priest had mentioned some great, mysterious power; one that could change the world. What if that power would change her?

What if _his_ Sakura no longer existed?

_She isn't real  
__I can't make her real  
__She isn't real  
__I can't make her real…_

He almost wished he could have lost his memories too. He wished he could forget her as easily as she had forgotten him. Then maybe he wouldn't be feeling the sharpness of this pain.

A hot tear slipped from his eye. He wiped it away immediately and began trudging back towards the camp. His feet felt heavy, like blocks of lead.

_I won't let this build up inside of me  
__I won't let this build up inside of me  
__I won't let this build up inside of me  
__I won't let this build up inside of me  
__I won't let this build up inside of me  
__I won't let this build up inside of me  
__I won't let this build up inside of me  
__I won't let this build up inside of me…_

Syaoran found his friends gathered around a dwindling fire. Only Fai was still awake.

"Welcome back, Syaoran-kun. Had a nice walk, I hope?" Fair smiled darkly, tongues from the fire lighting his face.

Syaoran looked to Kurogane, who had curled up with Mokona in his sleep. Slowly his gaze slid over to Sakura in deep sleep, lying on one side turned away from the fire.

Fai waited but received no reply. He shifted his legs uncomfortably, then found the direction of Syaoran's stare. He smiled to himself.

"Miss Sakura-chan tried very hard to stay awake." Fai spoke tentatively, for Syaoran had not yet looked away. "She was waiting for you to come back, but she finally fell asleep just a little while ago. You were gone for quite some time."

Syaoran stepped over to where Sakura lay. She had Fai's cloak as a pillow, one arm folder under her head. He watched the rise and fall of her breath; Sakura always slept so soundly. He knelt down and smoothed her wind-tousled hair away from her face, gently, so as not to wake her. And in that one moment, it was as if all of his doubts evaporated, stolen away with the wind.

He loved her.

It was just as simple as that.


End file.
